Saturday, July 29, 2006

Computer vs. Surgeon

"Flight computer, what was the average pace for today's training ride?"

"The average pace was 19.8 miles per hour over a total of 44 miles."

"That seems a bit fast, considering it's tough to keep that pace for 20 miles. Are you sure that's accurate."

"The data is accurate. Here is the readout."

"Okay. What was the maximum speed for the session?"

"Maximum speed was 159.6 miles per hour."

"Woohoo! That's sssmokin'. Wait, did you say 159.6, that can't be right."

"Again, the data is accurate. Here is the maximum speed display."

"Well, you have to trust your indications. I guess I'm faster than I thought."

"Excuse me, but as the Flight Surgeon, I must point out that you would certainly have greatly exceeded VO2 max and started building up lactate long before you hit 160 mph. In fact, if you got anywhere near that, you would build up so much lactic acid that we would have to use crowbars to get you off your bike. And I would also like to point out that this trip was 42 miles, last time."

"Hang on a minute, it was pretty windy out there. That could account for the max speed."

"Considering the houses in the area are still standing, it is safe to say that we didn't experience 140 mph sustained winds."

"Well, maybe I was just spinning that fast."

"Given the current configuration of your bike, you would have to pedal somewhere between 300 and 400 rpm to reach 160 mph, even with the wind. I'm willing to bet either you or the bike fly apart long before that."

"Okay, Dr. Smarty Pants, how do you account for the flight computer's readout?"

"Simple, it's an idiot."

And that is a taste of what goes through my mind when I start having equipment act up. Most likely a result of my wireless computer interacting with the magnetic fields of a local power sub-station, I was a bit less than a mile into my trip, stopped at a light, when my speed started showing really odd things, including this 159.6 mph readout. Supposedly, the computer only reads up to 102 mph. At the same time, though I was less than a mile out, the trip distance showed nearly 3 miles. Not bad for sitting at a traffic control light.

That's alright, it provided lots of interesting "conversations" during the 42 mile ride.

Finally, two pictures of The Pol-R Express. The first is just a long overdue picture of the bike. Mrs. Pol was in the house, so I wasn't able to get myself into the picture. That's okay, because I know how everyone reacts to pictures of pasty white triathletes. The second picture is really for Tri Mama's Tribe. Toddler Pol wanted to get into the picture, so I figured I'd post one for them. Note the pajamas. I'd already completed a 2000 yard swim and 42 mile bike, and he was still wearing a combination of baseball (shorts) and dinosaur pajamas.

Note: Blogger was being a pain and refused to take the last two pictures. I'll try again, later, or put them in the next post.


Meg said...

I really like your writing style. I have been lurking around for awhile. This was a hoot, thanks.

Flatman said...

I NEED BIKE PORN!!!!! (stupid blogger)