Wednesday, May 09, 2007

The Nut Hut

My wife occassionally talks about wanting to open a bar and grill type establishment to balance places like Hooters and Coyote Ugly. The target market would be female, and it would be called The Nut Hut. It takes little imagination to get a visual of the wait staff, and I questioned the feasibility of such a restaurant. It is, however, her dream, so I leave well enough alone.

Early in my triathlon journey, I was encouraged to use Total Immersion Swimming as a starting point for learning to actually swim. In the first few pages of that book, the author tells the reader to go out and purchase a Speedo type swimsuit. When I read that, my first thoughts were of The Nut Hut, and my immediate response was, "Not gonna happen. Ever." True to my statement, my swim attire has always been tri shorts. Specifically, four pair of tri shorts.

I buy them two at a time, and alternate suits with each swim. Regardless, chlorine is brutal on the fabric. And the areas most susceptible to wear are the areas that will lead to the most embarrassment if failure does occur. Rather than walk around with a hut that reveals more nut than is socially acceptable, I replace my tri shorts more frequently than I might like. At $30-40 a pop, it gets expensive.

Yesterday, I gave in to the (financial) pressure and went to the dark side. I am now proud (?) owner of a bikini style swimsuit. I will, however, conserve some small shred of my dignity by using a pair of nylon drag shorts. It's frightening how I jumped through so many hoops (too long a story) to get the swim trunks I swore I'd never wear just 12 short months ago.

But I was able to stick to my guns in one regard. I didn't buy a Speedo. I bought a Tyr. Either way, it's a nut hut.

13 comments:

Andra Sue said...

Polyester (not lycra) jammers seem to hold up well for all the man-types I know that wear 'em. They are cheaper than tri shorts and they provide a smidge more hut for your nuts than a true speedo. Just felt as though I had to share.

tarheeltri said...

Hilarious! I didn't know there was so much involved with nut-hutting.

Myles said...

Yep, jammers speedo or not. I pay about $25 a pop and they last around 6 months.

Di aka "Mrs Bigun" said...

So, if wife opens bar/restaurant and she uniforms her staff in nut huts, perhaps you can get a bulk discount....
BTW the waitstaff would be required to manscape right? hope so...

Veeg said...

Hee! Nut-hut. LOVE it.

Spokane Al said...

It is not the size of the hut that matters but the strength of the nut. Sounds like you got it nailed although I hope at some point in the future you can loose the drag shorts.

Comm's said...

aaaaa, nut hut. I like the banana hammock

Iron Benny said...

I can't believe you're wearing nothing but an eye patch in the pool. If I may, I have some advice. Try using polyester suits. They make them in jammer style and they last FOREVER. I ordered it online, and when it arrived, it was too small. As in, my buttcrack hangs out a little. But, instead of returning it, I figured I'd wear it out and buy a bigger one next time. That was over a year ago. I've been flashing crack for over a year waiting for the damn thing to wear out. But it won't! I think I paid 25 bucks for the damn thing. The string broke, the inner liner has fallen apart, but still not see through. I'm a believer for life. Just thought I'd pass this along. Hope it helps, good luck with the slingshot.
Benny

SkiRough said...

Unfortunately for your wife, the Nut Hut idea has already been brought into existence, I believe it is called Cocks. It is in brooklyn and markets to gay men. I have never been, although I did go to one of those transvestite "dinner and a show" places during Gay Pride week and that was hilarious and fun.

And now, I will stop typing because this comment is too much about gay men (not that there's anything wrong with that).

Duane said...

That's funny!

Wrenching Winz said...

Just say no! My good friend has the same idea, except called Peckers.

Rural Girl said...

The next thing will be an aero helmet!

John said...

I used to have one of those Speedos with the fancy print on it. The guy who taught me to swim many years ago was an ex-collegiate swimmer. At the time of our informal lessons, he was about 6' tall and 250+ pounds...in a Speedo. Heck, I figured if he could wear one, I could.

However, when I got back to triathlon last year...about 13 years after my Speedo days...I pulled the Speedo out of the drawer, laughed, and tossed it. No way. No how.

I still wear my "Baywatch red" swim trunks. Lots of drag. Just helps me develop more power the way I figure it.

hak